NOTE: This is part 1 of what will end up being a 2 part post here most likely, with part 2 coming soon. I hadn’t intended on formatting it this way….but once I started writing as often tends to happen with me when I get motivated….things just kept coming. So rather than add another topic onto an already fairly long post, I decided to break this post up with each post covering one topic specifically.
Since I made my first post over a week ago (my apologies for not posting sooner as I’ve been meaning to update and intend to do so as regularly as I can though I can make no promises on timeframe), I have begun to make a few changes as I begin this healing process……hoping to stick with them this time around as opposed to previous attempts where the changes would be great for a while before I’d revert back to old habits.
The big one, relates to food….for the longest time, I have not eaten that great, either in what I’ve been eating (read: a LOT of processed, boxed, bagged, junk foods in essence, the existence of which I believe is a huge problem in our culture and is in part the cause of some of our physical problems we are facing today) in or the quantity of food I’ve been eating day to day.
Neither aspect of my diet has been good for me…..and in the case of the food quantities….it has almost become a borderline eating disorder to be totally honest about it. There has been many days where I’d either get so busy trying to work done that I wouldn’t eat for hours at a time…..or I’d get distracted by various things online (this at times impacts my sleep habits as well….been known to say I was gonna go bed at 4am…(planning to make myself sleep after I post this at just after 5am now) and next thing I knew it was 10am and I hadn’t gone to bed, leading to me sleeping the day away that day and feeling like shit for it), or I’d just get so depressed or not liking the options we had in the house (again processed foods) that I didn’t really feel like eating and I’d in effect starve myself a bit.
It would change from day to day…sometimes I’d eat okay, 3 square somewhere….sometimes I’d eat less, and sometimes hardly much at all though generally I’d eventually eat something but just not a lot for the overall day. Bottom line though is, it just wasn’t consistent and it was hurting me and my body. I tried for a brief period to change that not too long ago, and was doing decently for a short period, but….it just didn’t last (my worst habit I’d say or one of em, letting myself fall back into old habits easily.)
I have set to change that now though….have made it a point this week to start eating regularly throughout the days, beginning as soon as I wake up (that first meal is always key and sets the tone for your body for the rest of that day after it fasts as you sleep)….and have managed to stick with it so far, on about day 5 of the change and am getting adjusted as I go along. I’ve kept it fairly simple, lot of eggs, meat (bought a shit ton of barbeque over the weekend at the start of all this….(btw I do curse from time to time so be forewarned if that type of thing offends you) just to make sure I had stuff for a few days as it’s much easier to wanna eat if I know I have good stuff than if I’m going on what else we got which isn’t always a lot) potatoes, that type of thing, just stuff to get me eating and eating as decent as I can based on my circumstances. I’ve kinda wanted to do so much in the past (ie: cook everything homemade, try this recipe and that recipe (got so many bookmarked wouldn’t know where to start), eat everything organic, etc etc) but I have to start where I am…..all the rest can come later, but the first step is just eating….so that’s what I’ve been working on this week, simplifying everything down to that. I’m doing my best to make sure I am eating well and limiting my consumption of said processed foods where I can as definitely wanna cut a lot of that from my diet as I go forward in lieu of more real foods, but….I am not overcomplicating things too much right now…main focus is just getting that routine of consistent eating down…and then going from there.
I have to take this one step at a time, something I need to keep in mind. If I forget that I tend to overwhelm myself, and then I shut down completely which isn’t good obviously. Patience is definitely key here….perspective as well. I’ll get where I need to be with it all eventually….but if I try to do it all at once….I’ll inevitably fail as I can’t. My approach right now is much better I think. It’s all about creating the habit right now, making it to where it just becomes something I don’t think about anymore as a friend put it recently, and just do….and that’s what I am doing, making it one meal, one day, one week at a time. I’ll make it….somehow someway I will because I won’t let myself not, I refuse.